is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize