So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
