the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
