My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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