she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
