bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
