Pants 0. Shit 1.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
