I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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