It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
