There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
