She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
