She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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