Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
