apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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