Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
