Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
