i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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