ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
