That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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