Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
someone get that fucking seahorse.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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