Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
