Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
