Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
