My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
