he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He felt like a one man threesome
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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