I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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