Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
