Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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