Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
