The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
