Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
