this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
