I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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