we're chasing vodka with high fives
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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