i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
