im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
