and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
