I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
