this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize