You work out of a Hotel?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
