Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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