Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
