Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
