We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
two words...techno handjob
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize