I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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