she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
