Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
