We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
