When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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