Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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