i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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