he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
