I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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