it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
