So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
