i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
