I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
