Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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