I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
