My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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