I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
