Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
