does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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