This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
