You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
