If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize