you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize