he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
