I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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