this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize