3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he was CRYING into my vagina
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
