We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
