Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
