you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
