he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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