it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You made out with two different species that night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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