I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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