Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
