Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
