Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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