all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
