the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
