I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
