New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
