Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize