I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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