no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
