Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
