when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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