Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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