she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
