I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
