so explain again why im purple
no
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
