I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
