Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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