I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
