Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
