Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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