so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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