i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
