i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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