I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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