there was a trapeze. enough said
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
