Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
