I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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