Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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