she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize