____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
