At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
