Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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